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DustyMark's Journey 5 Comments

Tuesday April 19th

So we did it…

Now, we know there is a ton of room for improvement but we know that if you let all the little things hold you back from starting…you never start. So the name of the podcast changed 3 times and the one we are using right now may not stay but this is where we are at. I personally tried to search it on Spotify and couldn’t find it but I’ll give you the link here and you can listen. Its also on another platform called Buzzsprout. We decided that it doesn’t matter if only 3 people listen to us because it has been great family time and has been theraputic for those of us involved so far. I know it will continue to be as well. I hope that it can inspire someone or encourage someone as well. We already have formed a list of topics but please list yours in the comments and like, subscribe and share the podcast 🙂

Lets see. Saturday Mark hitched a ride to UofM to get scans there because they said they can compare them side by side much easier AND we had to do it prior to the doctor apppointment on Monday so it can be read ahead of time. I got my brother started on a garage project and had coffee with my mom (well sort of. I drank coffee coming in and out of the house while she sat on the sofa) and then we took the girls to pick up Felicity and went to have breakfast at Anna’s House. The chatter and laughter in the car was fun in itself. I wish I could videotape all the sister goofiness at the breakfast table because it made me smile alot. I know my mom likes to just take it all in as well. We met Abby at the mall and started our dress search for the wedding. I was not looking forward to it. You know, when you don’t feel your best self…the last thing you want to do is hang out in front of a mirror and try on dresses but it was fun. We found possibilities…but I was wore out by three stores. We ended with Cora finding a killer deal on boots…which totally made her happy, even though she was dressless. I think we watched Redeeming Love that night when we got back with the Long girls…but I fell asleep at the end. I liked it…I know there is controversy over it. Hatcher was watching with and for a PG13 movie I think think the scenes were maybe too explicit even though there wasn’t nudity. I mean, I was uncomfortable, the mom. We skipped through some scenes. I won’t go into that anymore than that. :).

Easter Sunday the kids went to church and I stayed home with Mark because church and family dinner would be alot. Also Mark wanted to make deviled eggs. He did succeed in this…with some help from others. They weren’t pretty but I guess they tasted good. We celebrated at his sisters house with his parents and both of his sisters and their families. Its been a while since we have all been together and that made me both excited and nervous. Dinner was great. I am glad we went and were able to take photos as well. It was important to Mark to have some pictures with his siblings and parents. Now I need to find one that I like and get it on the wall in our house.

Yesterday our road to UofM started early! I went to bed early but was woke up when the kids came home…and then, of course, could not go back to sleep til well past midnight. I got up before 4am and drove 2.5 hours to Ann Arbor with 2 puking stops. One at the Cedar Springs exit and one at the Leonard St exit. We hadn’t gotten very far before we were delayed but I wasn’t carry stinky puke in my car that far so we had to pull over for clean up. After that, his stomach settled down and he went to sleep and I drove the rest of the way in silence, in the dark. The appointments were frustrating and Mark says I’m wound too tight (by the way…when your wife, who doesn’t show emotion well, and is getting worked up about stuff and just wants to vent…let her! Dont’ call her “wound up”. It doesn’t sit well. We know already but thanks) but I’m not sure what we are getting at UofM that we can’t get elsewhere. We don’t recieve exceptional care there. Our doctor isn’t invested in Marks care as far as I can see. I’m not comfortable around her and we wait and wait and wait there. We had 7am labs….done by 7:20 for our 7:30 dr appointment. We waited until 8:30 to be called back to a room and then she didn’t come til closer to 9am. We finished there by 9:30 but his immunotherapy was at 8:30am! So we were called back to that at 10:30am. Needless to say we were WAY behind and were suppose to arrive back in GR at Davita for dialysis by 1pm at the latest. Its a 2 hour drive and there was no way we would be out of there by 11. I was exhausted and now I had to go home and hang 8 bags and move the room around (its set up like a studio for podcasting right now) and all of that made me ticked off. I can’t nap while Mark is on the machine and so knowing I had to do all of that (which really IS easy, I don’t know why it makes me all anxious) made me extra ornery. I had to run back in to get Mark’s butt pad (again–see, I was like ug!) and when the elevator wouldn’t go down to the main floor I asked the receptionist where the stairs were. She said those are only for emergencies. What?!! Now we are discouraged from exercising…in the hospital. Anyways. I needed a long silent drive home and thats what I got. Mixed with rain and sleet. When I got home I did not set up for dialysis (I chatted with the dialysis nurse) or do CVC care. The kids had practice and then Bible Study so I took advantage of the quiet (because Mark was still sleeping) and I turned off my phone and took my watch off and went to bed. It was hard to fall asleep but I slept for 2.5 hours!! I woke feeling better and less foggy and started to make some food.

Today is Davita and he is running really well! Finally, the fistula will be used 100% and the CVC can come out.

Oh, the appointment. Nothing to report. No improvement but really no major concerns but then again the CT Scans didn’t get read! So she couldn’t report anything to us. We repeat this in one month. His hemoglobin was up to 10.8 and that is really good!

Wednesday April 20

Today is Hatcher’s birthday. My youngest child is 15. Before Hatcher we had talked about adoption. It started when Aly was in my uterus but I knew that wasn’t a good time to seek out adoption but I was still asking questions and doing research. We moved to Rockford (2 weeks before my due date) and were getting comfortable with 3 kids and our new (to us) farmhouse. My hands were full and I remember thinking guilty for feeling “done”. Two of my friends already had 3 and were going strong and my sister in law had 5 already. Looking back I know it was silly and I’ll tell any mom now…any amount of kids that makes your family feel complete is fine. It’s SO not a contest and you should never feel less than anything wonderful if you decide 1 kiddo or just 2 is good for your family. Actually, if you decide kids aren’t for you, that’s fine too. I was turning 30 and I remember feeling like our marriage was in a really good spot and that Mark and I were on the same page in life. We did take foster care classes (highly recommend for all people as education of our system and these hurting kids) and we did slowly go through the process of adoption with interviews and having our house looked over etc. Mark and I had conversations about wanting a son. Yes, we had Karson and he did love him and treat him like his son but there is someing very real about having kids that literally come from you. It would be someone that looked like him, maybe acted like him and he would take on the family name. (how old fashioned are we?). I had been reading alot about the Billings Method (and it seemed to work for Aly) so I put that into practice and kept track of how my body was working and wah-lah!! I was pregnant again. Now there was no gaurantee that this will be a boy but hey, we make cute babies so why not!?? Mark always tells the story like it was this huge “oops” or a surprise, but I was not surprised. I was still volunteering at Alpha Womens Center and so I just used one of their tests and then had to come home and let Mark know. And that is how Hatcher came to be!

Today at Davita I had to use the “dummy” arm to cannulate and learn how to pull the needle out. I’m starting to wonder why we should ever stop using the CVC. Putting needles in make me a little not so sure. Today I get to pull them out of him. If I don’t push pressure soon enough I might get squirted at…too soon and you can damage vein/artery. I know all you nurses reading this are laughing a little. It’s fine. It’s kind of funny. I know over time it will be second nature.

Today is Felicity’s baby appointment! We are one week out from due date and I keep trying to tell her that it still could be another week after that!

Today is also the kids first conference track meet and I hope the appointment gets done in time for me to catch the second half.

So far really great reviews and feeback on the podcast..keep them coming.

Comments 5

  1. Easter was great, pictures, devil eggs, all the kids! Aunt Janet going is hard but we love 💕 each other and we will make it through. Stay strong and HAPPY BIRTHDAY HATCHER. ❤️

  2. Thank you for doing this podcast. Mark, it was very impactful hearing your words…..even more so than blogging. We are praying for your healing everyday. Dusty and Karson great discussion and questions.

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  3. I listened to the podcast this afternoon and thought you both expressed yourselves well and Karson did a really good job. Thank you for sharing your hearts. I’m sure it wasn’t as easy as it sounded. We continue to pray for all of you. Take care and I hope you both get a decent night’s sleep. One last thing. I especially like the way you expressed your “sweet moments” with the Lord. How totally personal and precious that sounded. Again. Thank you.

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