Friday

Thankfully I do not have much to report today.

As I went to “bed” last night I felt sad again. I want Mark to feel well, to have energy and to feel whole again. I don’t want him to wonder if he will see the future of our kids. I think I’m okay but then I think about the possibility of this turning very badly and I feel very lonely. The truth is that not one of use know that we will see the future of our kids or grandkids. We don’t know if we will see 2022 or tomorrow, but at least we feel pretty good and are enjoying life. And if you are not…you should be. There’s plenty to enjoy and be thankful for.

Mark’s hemoglobin dropped a bit so they gave him one more unit. He did walk the hall this morning. No major news and no new news. Tomorrow he gets dialysis and I hope he gets a consult with a neurosurgeon but it will be Saturday so I think we lost a week and he has to travel in the car and get out and about,,,,, and I was hoping for a brace to relieve pain for him. (wait Mark just told me they said no. We have to do it on our own.)

If we don’t go home later tomorrow, we will go home Sunday. I was suppose to dialyze him Sunday before we went to UofM but I’m not sure that’s gonna work. Monday we have labs, PA/doctor visit and then immunotherapy…and then an ultrasound. Phew. Maybe Tuesday we can get that brace. 🙁

So keep praying for answers as to why!! Why did this happen.

Since he had a visitor coming…and Mark was feeling better….I snuck off to watch my future daughter in law try of wedding dresses. I was going to say “I’ll catch the next one” but I’m so glad I did not. She found the dress she wanted! She looked great in everything!!! But when she walked out in this one I knew she should get it! I mean there weren’t shining lights or great background music….but it just looked perfect. She was estatic and everyone cried a bit.

I drove back in a snow and sleet and picked up some food to take back. Those big huge snowflakes had a quick little feeling of Christmas sweep over me. It was a good nostalgic feeling that quickly turned to anxiousness. Yeesh. I’m not ready.