Almost There

DustyMark's Journey, the journey continues 1 Comment

June 16th 2022

I had a small crew here today and we have almost got the lawn in good shape and the garage is ready to be decorated. I can’t hardly believe it. I know Mark wondered how that would ever be ready for a party. Well, Mark, we did it. Only one torn bicep and one man falling off the roof (and one women getting sprayed with the pressure washer) occurred in the preparation of the party. (yikes. stay far from the Linsleys)

So many thoughts swirl in my head during the day. I took Aly to the store to find a little scrapbook which they did not have and on the way home she asked about dad and I assured her he was forgetting things because his liver wasn’t working well and his body was becoming toxic…. making him confused. She started to cry and said she didn’t want to run Saturday. That was her run with her dad. It just breaks my heart and I totally get it. The kids and I really haven’t had in depth conversations about Mark yet…things are just moving too fast.

I went on a quick kayak trip last night with a friend and as we approached an island the current was taking me to the left but I really wanted to go to the right so I really paddled agains the grain…….my friend went with the flow. I hit bottom and had to really put in great effort to get going again. Needless to say, she was waiting for me downriver when I finally got going today. In the flexibility stretch session today, my instructor told me when you get into a riptide you have to relax and go with the current to avoid danger (we all know this right?) but I did find the the “speech” funny with the experience the night before. So my lesson today to myself and whoever wants to listen….its okay to go with the flow. Stop fighting your life!! God has a plan…you need to relax and trust the current. Too much effort goes into the fight with nothing to show for it at the end. This does not mean you don’t give thought to life and follow everyone….but sometimes we (me/I) try so hard to run our own race that all we are doing is running alone. Sweaty and tired at the end. Alone. I don’t want to be alone…I’m tired of struggling with myself. Mark was studying and preparing to talk to a mens group this summer. He was really excited. He was looking into prayer and asking. I bought a book called Just Ask and we started reading it together at the old house but then I read it alone and then I never finished. Why is it that I can get super excited about God and then peter (?) out so quick? Mark came up with this acronym called CAT. Complain (to God, its okay), then ask, then TRUST!! Trust that he heard but trust that His plan is good! We don’t pray to change God’s mind as we often think. He totally knows. Whats happening, whats going to happen and why! The hard part is the why. I just need to know why sometimes. I don’t trust well. Currents, people, undetailed plans. I’m not a go-with-the-flow kind of gal as much as I would love to be.

On another note. Felicity decided to move out on her own (she was living with a relative) and was blessed with a space to rent and several leads to work. She is missing a car…but with some of the options being close to her and the fact that she moved closer to me, we can help her a bit. If you feel led to pray (knowing God knows)……she needs a job that allows her to have daycare she trusts. Ideally, she would love to work at the daycare at the end of her driveway!! Maybe she can take the baby with her? That would be perfect and that’s my prayer but she is nervous to leave her baby if she had to, which she might need to. She is excited to go back to church so pray she finds some good Godly connections as well. She has alot of work to do to be totally on her own and it will take time but she needs this!

Two more days til Aly’s party.

Thank you for loving us.

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