DustyMark's Journey, Uncategorized 13 Comments

From Mark:

02.01.2022. To Endure Discipline  

My Daughter Cora says it’s time for me to write a gain.  It’s difficult for me to do much right now.  Especially anything that requires creativity.  I just want to close my eyes and rest, all the time.   This isn’t necessarily bad, the last couple of weeks  I needed to rest from all the surgeries and pain but now I’m coming to the realization that I’m just running out of energy, for even simple tasks like writing this journal entry or a prayer journal entry.  (I’ve drifted off twice during this first paragraph)

It’s been easy to ignore this issue because drifting off is comfortable.  I have multiple people contact me and tell me to fight on, but there is no reason to fight when you are comfortable—you just drift off in a cloud of pain meds and coziness.

Also, I feel like that we have become a broken record player,  it’s the same story and ours feels so up and down.

I spent a few years in Alaska right out of college and my closet friend while I was there was a kid by the name of Matt Keller,  Matt was a few years younger than me and we both worked on a steel building construction crew and we were both private pilots.  He was saving money to go to Moody Bible Institutes Missionary Aviation program and I was drifting a bit in what I wanted to do and what God had called me to.  Eventually, I followed Matt and decided I would finish up my FAA certificates and become a commercial pilot. Matt and I call every once in awhile and were able to visit a couple of summers ago, we always discuss where we ended up and how the Lord blessed us.  Matt runs his own company with (blueiceaviation.com) and I did my thing as well.  We never would have guessed that we would have ended up where we are.  I’ve been pondering the chapter the last few days and I’m struggling a bit.  I’m not satisfied right now, I’m anesthetized.  I don’t want what the Lord has poured into my cup.  I don’t want it.  The truth is it’s hard for me to have Faith!  Real faith, a faith that is satisfied with what the Lord has given me on this earth and what my real inheritance is made up of.

Hebrews 12 Vs 7 “Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father?If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all.” 10 They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. 11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

  • Endure Hardship as discipline
  • God disciplines so that I might share in his holiness
  • It’s painful
  • It will produce righteousness and peace

Matt just sent me a bunch of Alaskan Sockeye Salmon and a note with Psalm 16 listed.  

Vs. 5 “Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup;

you make my lot secure.”

6 “The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;

surely I have a delightful inheritance.”

Ignoring the pain

The reason I can drift off all day and night is I can ignore the pain—The medication has it under control.  However this week I’ve noticed that the pain is exceeding its boundaries again.  My shoulder has a deep ache inside. My back still has a deep ache along side of the spine, although its more stable and secure, there is a deep ache.  Both hips have a deep ache that I have ignored due to the level of pain I feel in my back. My eyesight is deteriorating as well.  This cancer is creeping away and killing me and I just want to close my eyes and rest, its comfortable.  There are so many people I would like to talk with, things that need to be done, and I want to ignore them and rest.I just keep handing off or ignoring more and more responsibilities to Dusty as I don’t have the energy to do them, or I don’t care.  I feel like I’m running from my pain.

Lord Jesus, Thank you for giving me an inheritance, give me the faith needed to trust in you as my portion and my cup.  This world is not my cup.

Lord, help me hold on!  Hang onto the suffering, help me to want holiness.  I don’t want holiness when it requires hardship and discipline and I’m too weak to want your discipline.  I need you to help me accept it and to hang on.

Comments 13

  1. Mark,
    There are so many words in my mind to say and yet to say anything seems tiny in comparison to your cup and what has been poured into it.
    All I know to do is pray for you, for Dusty, for each of your children and sometimes weep.

  2. I agree with Julie. I cant even imagine the pain and sufferings that you have endured. God has kept you strong in your faith. I think of job and his hardships. When I think of him I think of you. You and dusty are a beacon of hope and love to a lot of people. We think we sometimes have it hard in our lives then I look at the cup you have been given. And thank god for what we have and appreciate more. Our hearts go out to you and your family. We are continually keeping you all in our prayers🙏🏻🙏🏻🥰🥰🤗🤗🤗🤗

  3. Mark and Dusty,
    I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability through these entries. I think and pray of you often. I commit to being one of you prayer warriors. God can heal.

  4. “I asked Jesus why He was taking me through troubled waters. He answered, because your enemies can’t swim.” Author unknown

    🎼Like Dorie,…just keep swimming! 🎶
    Carol 🥰

  5. I’m so sorry for all of your suffering, Mark. I don’t understand it.

    I admire you (I always have). Even through this pain and hardship, your words are honest and wise and selfless. I wish I could take it all away for you. I love your heart and I love you.

  6. Our family is praying for you, Dusty and the family. Let us know if you need any smoked fish and we will get some headed your way.

  7. Hi Dusty, I’ve never met you but we know the Linsley’s and Mark spent a little time in our home here in Alaska. Many happy memories!
    Our daughter Marie (who met you) let us know this morning of Mark. Our hearts are so sad to hear of this trial but at the same time I am thinking ‘Hey! It’s not fair for anyone to be on that fasttrack to our heavenly home and possibly win first place to the finish line!’
    Mark. Our hearts, thoughts and prayers are going to our Shepherd on your behalf. Thank you for sharing your heart. May God be honored and His Son glorified throughout this sickness. Many heartfelt prayers for your wife and children, your Mom and Dad and all that love you as they help you every day. God is good and gracious. Hello and prayers from Doug too.

  8. Jesus was also given a cup that he asked if it could be removed. The father’s will was still done Jesus died that his faithful shall live forever when eyes close here they open in heaven be thankful for each and every day you still have here on this earth you know my brother story oh how I wished we would have had more than two weeks. Love you brother now and forever wish I could visit you sometime soon

  9. Mark – such great insights. Prayer warriors in KY and TN are petitioning for your healing and strength for you and your family as you are in the fire of this trial. Just as Jesus was in the fire with the 3 Hebrew youths, He is with you and your family. May you come out of this furnace not smelling of smoke, but of Christ’s sweet aroma. Today’s Dr. Jeremiah’s devo references Hebrew 12:6, so thought that is a God Wink🕊😉 since you referenced the 7th verse. ❤️ Psalm 16. Verse 11 was my One Word verse in 2020. You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
    Psalm 16:11
    My 1st cousin, Rhonda Huismann, requested prayer for you as you started this journey. Sharon and Lowell Grabill are my Aunt and Uncle. Connecting the dots for you.

  10. Your words are so raw and honest, Mark. Thank you for sharing your heart. Your load is heavy, and the Lord is on your side. Our God is so big, so strong and the Author of the impossible. Praying for you and your family. Hugs to you and Dusty.

  11. “In the land of Uz there lived a man whose name was Job. This man was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil.” -Job 1

    “The Lord has dealt with me according to my righteousness;
    according to the cleanness of my hands he has rewarded me.
    For I have kept the ways of the Lord;
    I am not guilty of turning from my God.” -Psalm 18

    May the Lord hear your prayers (and ours). I know he is proud of you, as he was proud of Job.

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