Its October?

DustyMark's Journey


I lost another month!!?? August was a blur and so was September. Usually time flies because its so fun filled with activites…but you can lose time with mundane repetative activities and exhaustion. I know some of you know what I’m talking about.

I had a hamstring cramp last night. Calf cramps happen all the time and are no fun but these bigger muscles play harder! Yikes. Its sore today! (If you don’t know what to do when these get out of bed and on your feet and “walk it off”. Otherwise you are in pain and agony for many minutes). Please do NOT tell me to eat a banana! 🙂

We put our house on the market. I know that makes everything crazier but the sooner we can eliminate stuff from our lives the better. I had a ton of help and even have a different place to stay but temp moving into another space could be more stressful than just keeping the house clean but then we have to up and leave everytime someone wants to come through so I think it’s still best. The realtor priced up and we talked about it….and we are staying there. They are more professional than I am at selling houses. Here is the link if you know someone that wants to get off the beaten path…slow down a bit…live close to the school…..enjoy natures beauty…and live in a historical home with so much character and space! Oh and wants a pool :). It doesn’t have alot of land but you have ALOT of land! We have always thoroughly enjoyed many acres around us well beyond our land lines.

Yesterday and today have felt overwhelming to me. More than normal. Mark is still in pain all the time and it’s like his body KNOWS its almost night time. Time to kick in the pain. We are doing massage, chiro, cbd topical oil, and so much more but lack of movement….and well, cancer…puts him in a ton of pain. There really is hardly anything I can do to help except take him to appointments. Yesterday was a full day and it ends up being exhausting. Today should be better. Just dialysis and massage (and 2 errands on the way home)

Dinner keeps coming every other night, which is so nice. I would not have time or energy to cook. I feel bad I’m not making breakfast for my kids but I can barely get my hair combed before I go out the door. I know I should get up earlier (and many of you know I used to teach 5:30am classes!!) but I just can’t seem to drag myself out of bed. I long for and pray for a solid nights sleep for Mark! That would be awesome for him and for me.

Monday is U of M. Still waiting on some pre approvals. Everything seems to be a challenge. Getting an appointment, getting a med. Food, liquids, nutrition are all a catch 22 as well as meds and appointments. Circles. I feel like I’m going in circles. Some days, like today, I feel like I can’t do this but then have to remind myself, I’m not the sick one. We met with a functional nutritionalist yesterday and were given a more a direct path for Mark as far as food and supplements go. We would love for his GI tract to get working like it should so we could avoid a scope next week.

Dialysis machine is set up at my house. This is good for going forward but not exciting. I don’t want my husband to be sick. I don’t want to have to give him dialysis.

I kept reminding myself this morning…or was it last night.?? God’s plan. This is God’s plan. Just keep going. I may have to be keep repeating this as we have just started.

I guess that is not much of an update. Dialysis early Monday so we can drive to UofM and have appointmens 1pm on with the infusion at 4pm lasting 2 hours.

Pray for so many hurting people right now…..and my cousin David in NM who was in a horrible car accident having a 10 hour surgery on his hip/leg today. Also for his heart. He doesn’t know the Lord. Pray for more answers for Mark, the right meds, for improvement and energy and pain relief. Pray for all my kids! Its hard and they don’t talk about it that much and I don’t want to “lose” them through all of this. Cora is at college, far away and unsure if she is where she is suppose to be. (as we all did/do) Felicity is struggling with a pregnancy and alot of uncertanities. I want to be there for all of them but I can’t. Oh and that the house sells…and that the new one will get finished in time (specifically water)

Just got approval for the opiod blocker (so his GI might wake back up) but of course, its Friday and it has to be ordered… maybe it will show up Monday…when we are gone all day. So Tuesday? Tuesday he can start it.

Last night we were all in the living room and Mark read: we often hear “Life is short, better enjoy it” how about “Eternity is long, better prepare for it”

I’ll leave you with that.