He is Risen

April 9th 2023

I almost had to change that date…thinking it was already May. Its not. No worries.

My house has extra people…very bubbly, joyous, other people. One has left for the windy city but a few remain. It always fun to have so many at home…but also exhausting. I managed 2 really sluggish days and then had a great long run Saturday ( if long runs can be great…I had company which makes it better) and then I seem to come alive again even though my knees were hurting me. Today was extra emotional..but let me back up a bit.

Since I wrote last, we have turned our second stall in the garage into a lifting space which makes Hatcher very happy however, when someone is staying in the rental he can’t have his music blaring and he can’t work out super early or super late. Its just the way it goes. He has been very diligent about lifting.

There has been some extra drama and frustration with the Cornerstone Team. I don’t know all the details and of course only hear their side…but all the same. I can’t share details because I don’t have them and its not my story to tell. It doesn’t even really matter I guess except ….it matters alot to Aly and she has felt slighted and wronged and so there is some frustration along with other emotions swinging in the air. She is ready to transfer to Huntington. 🙂

April 16th.

whoops…I never finished that!

Easter was hard. Mark loved the celebration of Christ’s resurrection and his emphasis wasn’t there. I’m not a good spiritual leader. We are lacking that in our home for sure. Watching my friend Danielle get baptized was overwhelming as Mark and I had tried to go out of our way to be a part of their lives. It was easy for me…I met Danielle through workouts and so we built a relationship and always saw each other but Mark only was able to rub elbows with her husband playing bball sometimes. I think he would be really proud of her and amazed this happened. Its always amazing when someone chooses Christ over the world because the world has such a huge pull even though it has emptiness at the end. I felt like over Easter I cried alot, or felt like I was going to.

Our Easter dinner was more quiet. My oldest brother and family were out of town and my parents were as well so it was me and 4 of my kids at my other brothers. After dinner we were outside because it was lovely and we played Fishbowl. Its a fun game and a great way to pull everyone out of their comfort zones and out of their phones to interact with real people. Gauranteed laughs every time.

I feel like the rest is just kind of a blur. Cora left…Aly left the next day and we went back to “normal”. Whatever that is. Normal right now is…to do each day. Its normal to have dirty dishes (always has been) and unfolded clothes (I don’t even know where all these clothes come from)…an uncut yard and unvacuumed cars….groceries are gotten when I can put it off no longer. I clean when people come. Its not ideal but its working. I have the time but not the energy or the want. Its weird. Energy. There’s emotional energy, mental energy and physical energy. I can have #3 but none of #2 and so it doesn’t get done. I can have #2 but not enough of #3 and so it doesn’t get done. If I don’t have #1…I’m like a zombie. I do know that when it NEEDS to get done, it will. I try not to stress over it but I really dislike having to do it myself or be the person who has to demand it be done. God gave us husbands to be the disciplinarians. I loved knowing that Mark had my back and would handle it. Or he would bring perspective to an emotional issue. We have had lots of emotional issues here..it seems never ending…and I need his advice, his wisdom. I don’t trust myself totally, and honestly…the kids don’t always want to hear it from me. Even though they are all or are almost all grown…they want to hear it from their dad. I don’t want to be both. I CAN’T be both.

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Hatcher has had 2 track meets. He did well in both but already improved by the second. He has a new 110 High hurdle PR and is working toward a great goal for the 300 hurdles. I think he is a great hurdler.

Aly is so ready to be down with this semester and is planning to work up on Beaver Island for the Harbour Bodega (really great food) with a couple of her friends and hopefully make lots of college cash and run all over the island to train for the upcoming season. She seems to be feeling a bit better but we don’t know for sure. The appointment to get into the cardiologist is over 3 months out! So much for that. We will keep investigating.

Cora is trying to get her travel arrangements made for Kosovo and will be flying to France first, the Kosovo and then on the return they will end in France again. She also has only three weeks left and is ready to be done.

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I think we are like the Orchid that sits on my counter from Mark’s funeral.

It was beautiful…with lovely blooms and leaves…and then the blooms fell. I wasn’t sure what to do with it. I didn’t know how to care for it or if it was a “one and done” or if it had more life in it. I wasn’t sure how long to wait or if it was dead or alive. Over time…I noticed a very small leaf developing and pulling away from the main steam and it grew into 2 leaves. Then a bud developed. That bud slowly became a bloom and now it is a full flower. You can see another bloom beginning and I’m sure there will be more.

We can’t always be in full bloom. We have to have moments and periods where we are resting…resetting..thinking..and then slowly over time…we will start to bloom again. Maybe just one at a time but we will bloom again..especially if we are nourished by love and joy and truth. Things might seems a bit dreery…stale..unmoving..uncertain…but it will bloom.