Did you know that fleas only spend 5% of their time on the animal?

August 25th 2022

So then…where do they spend the rest of their time? Infesting your house laying thousands of eggs you can never see or know are there.!!

VENT SESH:

I feel like it’s been one stinking thing after another here in Newaygo. I really can say that there are only one or two great things here in Newaygo and no, it’s not Timbertown, although that is great. My mom lives 2.7 miles away and I hardly ever see her. My childhood friend lives closer and I never see her. When we moved here it was all about dialysis and cancer treatments and keeping our heads above water. Just getting here was a big deal and super stressful. Between treatments and appointments I was trying to get our stuff in order and I was always moving boxes around in the garage (I still can’t park in there) We had a bat in the house but we quickly remedied that. Well not quickly but…eventually. There were some mice we fed little green tablets to and they exited as well. Then Mark got really sick, Cora came home and he went to the ER, we came home with hospice and he passed away. Aly graduated (normally a really great thing but I was in a fog and it was sad) and her and Hatcher didn’t really finish out their track season. Karson got married (also great but sad) and then I did my stinking best (with a team of people) to get the place ready for Alys grad party. Then I just wanted to rest. BUT bats like my house I guess and Bucky picked up fleas somewhere. Yes I’ve been able to go places and spend some time away with my kids but part of that is to not really face the reality that I’m not sure where I need to be in this life right now. Now my kids are all off at school, the house is empty and I have bats in my walls somewhere and fleas probably everywhere because for every one you see on their body there is 75000 in your house (actually that number could be 750000 (thanks google for settling my soul). Who has time to wash every single item in your house and treat all carpets pillow etc AND vacuum every crevice and crack for weeks? I don’t. I’ve been doing it for 2 days and I’m exhausted. Meanwhile, poor Bucky is block into the basement with only a doggy door exit to the ourdoors. I’ve sprayed my yard professionally, bathed him with every kind of flea shampoo, picked off fleas with my fingers, sprayed him with stuff fleas don’t like, treated my carpets, washed his bedding multiple times. Had him professionally washed and I’ve probably over treated him with topical meds. There is nothing else I can do but burn my house down and put him in quarantine on an island. How can something so small turn your life upside down? And to finish my vent session…I have to hire bat people to tear part of my roof off to install bat thingies so they can get out but not in…and I think I’ve put new brakes on all of my cars as well. I know this is life..broken cars and home repairs and rodents and such but man, I feel like I have never once been able to truly relax and enjoy this house yet. Not once. Right now, I’m unsure if a bat will swoop in or not or if there are flea eggs on my decorative pillows because I let Bucky lay on the sofa thinking we were done with those pests!! I have never dealt with fleas on him ever!! Not like this. But then again we have gypsy moths here too. Newaygo has just been an experience for sure.

MOODY and CORNERSTONE

Now that I’m done crying and whining…well not really, but for now. I took Aly to move in last week Friday. She was suppose to be on campus early for Cross Country practice and to go to cross camp. It was really weird. It wasn’t festive like a normal move in. She had limited time to get her stuff in her room because she had to be at practice at a certain time and honestly…it was just blah. She was super nervous. Like wondering if she practiced enough, was conditioned enough, fast enough. Would the girls like her, would she fit in? All the normal stuff but I think she has struggled so much with whether she should be running or not that it really just had her all tangled up in her mind and heart and then for me to be leaving her there (alone because her roommate doesn’t move in until tomorrow) was just overwhelming. I felt really bad because you want to take them by the hand like in kindergarten and lead them up to a nice girl and introduce then and have them be lifelong friends. But it’s not like that anymore is it? And they have to do that for themselves now. No worries though. After a practice or two she got her running mojo back and really likes the team. I go to “re-move” her in tomorrow with her roommate and it will be more festive and exciting on campus.

The very next day I took Cora to Moody. Felicity and Kiyah and I drove her to college but we didn’t drop and run. We moved her in, got tacos at Velvet Tacos and did a small Aldi run so Cora had some snacks and food and then went to our hotel. A nice chic-flick and comfy beds (I think I camped on the ground for 2.5 of the last 3 weeks) was the best way to end the night. We had parking snafu the next morning (man chicago gets you for every dime) as I didn’t make the 15 min cutoff to get my to my car and drive it down from the 10th floor. That cost me $30. Possibly 1 minute cost $30. Mind blowing. And upsetting. We were plenty early for church so we were able to find free parking, get food and coffee and get to church early. Moody Church is big and beautiful but the seats aren’t comfy. When we get out it was pouring but it didn’t last long. Cora decided last minute to join the cross-country team at Moody (I know, right!) and so she needed running shoes. Nordstrom Rack provided us with decently priced Sauconys and then we found some lunch and peeked in at Marshalls. By that time it was 4pm at home and we needed to get going. I always have bigger plans than I can accomplish when I go there. The goal was to get Cora in and settled and we did that. I’m proud of her. Joining the cross team (or any team) last minute is bold. I think it will be a good experience and she will expand her circle of friends. It was easier to leave her this time but her heart was a bit achey as some of the friendships in her initial circle had changed and she was worried about those dynamics. Plus…Mark wasn’t there. Again. Last year he was on a trip. This year he was gone. That was hard for both of the girls and for me.

HIGH SCHOOL

Hatcher is a sophmore this year and I did not take a first day of school pic like everyone else. We still are kind of just going through the motions. I didn’t school shop or get all his supplies. We didn’t go to orientation…we paddled boarded on Beaver Island instead. Hatcher really doesn’t care all that much. He bugs me when things matter to him. I did order him a backpack because Dollar General plastic bags just isn’t a good look all year round. He had his first cross country meet and did well.

MARATHON

So I’m getting nervous about my marathon. Running has never been this hard for me. I’ve never been super speedy but I could just keep going and I could do it at any given time really. I have a completely different perspective now on marathon training and running all together. People used to tell me how hard it was or would celebrate milestones I took for granted. I’m so in their place right now. I’m way behind on mileage for long runs and this Saturday I need to hit a certain number and I can’t back down or give up. I have to do it. When we were on Beaver Island, Aly and I went for a 7 mile run and it was hot and horrible and we both had just enough sand in our toes that it was creating heat! I stopped at the park and washed my feet in the sink to get it all out or the run was going to be super miserable. It did help but it didn’t make the run great. It just saved me from toe blisters. I keep telling myself I can do this and its okay to walk some if I have to. humbling.

LIFE IN GENERAL

My friends ask me how I am and some days I’m just so empty and sort of numb that I can just shrug and say..”ok” and thats fine. Then other days just the question makes me tear up. Yesterday after my run I totally broke down in my friends kitchen. I don’t know what my purpose is…what I’m suppose to be doing or if the decisions I’m making are okay. I really want to simplify my life but it just feels chaotic and heavy. It’s quieter now (which I’m not sure I like) but there is always something calling for me or wearing on me and that is exhausting. Fleas are exhausting. Cars are exhausting. Piles of boxes and bins are exhausting. Decisions are exhausting. Stuff…clutter is too. When I was on Beaver Island….I felt more calm. Not a whole lot to do and my kids were with me.

I miss Mark. Sometimes I’m driving in the car and the reality of the past year hits me really quickly and I’m reminded that it really did happen and he really is not coming back. We will never enjoy this house we built and worked on together. He won’t see ANY of his kids marry or anything else. More like they won’t have him at any of their big events. His opinion mattered..to all of us and even though Mark was blunt and tough sometimes…we needed that voice of reason. He led like a man should lead his family. Like a man should lead and love his wife. He’ll never grab my hand as we walk, or hug me and and make ammends after we disagree about something (he was always the first to do that). I will no longer listen to him sing at the top of his lungs as he mows the lawn or listen to him give the birthday blessing to each of our kids. I have to drive myself everywhere…open my own doors and make just one side of the bed.

If we had more time…it still wouldn’t be enough. I never wanted to be here by myself.

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update: August 26th

We went to bring Aly more stuff at school and help Jaxi Long (her roommate move in). Aly was so busy with cross country stuff that we really didn’t get to see her long. There was a special presentation for freshmand and new students but she had to go run 7 miles so Hatcher and I came home early to try to nap before we leave for his meet under the lights at South Christian tonight. Should be cool.

My flea tools arrived and the dog has been sprayed…the carpets have been dusted and we will see if this helps. Since the door wants into the main house so bad…I noticed my front door is all scratched up. Awesome. Thanks Bucky. So anyone contemplating getting a pet…I’d like to discourage you. So much work without things like this but then there are also things like this.