Brakes, AC, and Hocking Hills

June 19th

In talking with a friend we decided it’s the summer of broken cars!! I have 4 cars that should be lined up in my drive however….(after selling the 5th) one or more has been in a shop. I have 2 kids working and I have not only my own things to do to keep us above water but I’m also helping Felicity out and need a car. One car goes in for something I can’t even remember now and then the other goes in for a broken brake line and no AC (you need it on 90 days driving 6 hours in the car with a dog). Once you get that one returned you get the first one back in because its leaking AC condensation all into your drivers side floor mat. At first I thought I spilled a water bottle…and then the second time I thought the same because I felt up under the dash and couldn’t find a source and my water bottle top doesn’t snap shut like it should. Well, by the third time I knew something was wrong. But the time I could get it on the mechanics schedule, my back brakes sounded like they were scraping metal! I know this is l i f e and it’s “adulting”…but it seems over the top. Aly’s car has been a mystery until late and is now on its way to recovery (it like, rose from the dead. A miracle perhaps?? No, it just needed time) and Cora’s car needs brakes as well (it’s on the schedule). Mark used to do alot of this work but when he started traveling…we decided it was more conducive to make a days wages and pay someone else to do the work than to take a day off and him do the work. Our time is more valuable. I, on the other hand, have NEVER done this work and although I love to learn, I have NO desire to fix cars. I like to know the basics and whatever God decides to teach me in any weird circumstance but I’m not adding car mechanic to my list of talents. The other bad thing is that our “car guy” is in Kent City. I used to drop my car and walk or run or bike home. It was 2.25 miles. Now…there is none of that. I have to line up another driver and another car and these days both are scarce. Is anyone feeling me??!!!

Sigh. Sorry, sometimes you have to vent and know you aren’t the only one!!

Back to Miracles. I asked Cora and maybe Scott, I don’t remember, if they thought God still performed miracles. Like I know he CAN but I wondered if he still does. You know how in the Old Testament he spoke aloud. People heard him. He send manna from heaven. Literal food fell from the sky. People still rejected Him. Then he sent his son, in the image of a man, to die for us….and people still rejected him. He made the blind see…rose people from the dead, walked on water, healed the sick in a snap (snapping sound of fingers inserted here) and even his conception was a miracle. The woman never had sex! I don’t take the word miracle lightly at all. It’s funny how I can be a totally literal person at times. To ME, a miracle is something that I cannot explain. Experts cannot explain and it is beyond comprehension. It makes zero sense. Nothing in it is anything a human can do. Nothing. No credit can go to any doctor or person. It can only be something other than ourselves. So when I ask this….I’m not asking if we think things line up for his glory. I totally think they do! I was listening to a podcast when this gal said sometimes our miracles are in our own abilities (or the abilities of others). She prayed for rent. Prayed and prayed. A letter came and it was the amount she needed. A miracle? Or is it God using the hands and feet of his people that want to do His will…responding to what they think God called them to do. I see lots of that. I’ve been on the recieving of that this whole year. We needed…it came! I never considered any of that a miracle. I considered it God people being obedient. (and I was so thankful) Also, I’m not discounting any of you that have had what you consider miraculous events and encounters…I just consider– (snap) I’m healed, different than “oh the chemotherapy is working and he is getting better”. Do you understand what I’m saying…or asking?? Some of you commenting and even messaging me has made me think…yes, He still might and it has been encouraging me and teaching me but my question remains. Does he still perform “snap” miracles or did He decide…”I’ll use the hands and feet of my people to fill the needs of others and it will still give me glory”? Not because he cannot, because He is choosing not to. It was also brought to my attention there is a really good book I need to read that is over my head but what I’ll glean off from it might be enough (those are my words, no one said it to me).

**edited before publishing*** I heard that song on the way home today. Do Something and that made me think of us being the hands and feet. If we do what we are called to do….people will feel like “miracles” are happening everyday. Also do we use the word miracle too much in everyday life…like we use the word awesome? and perfect?

So I wanted to go to Falling Water in PA but the tickets sell out like crazy! I was going to take Hatcher and then go to Hocking Hills State Park and then come home. Since I could not get tickets…we just went to Hocking Hills. I didn’t check the weather til the day before and it was all rain and even some thunderstorms. Since I don’t feel like the app is that accurate, I decided to still go but I was hesitant. Everyting in me told me it was a bad idea. I did it because Hatcher was still excited for the adventure. I pictured me stuck in a little tent with Hatcher and Bucky while it poured around us. We didn’t pack til after church on Sunday but just after 1pm we were on our way! I made sure to pack 2 sets of rain gear. I was anxious all the way there about the weather because Hatcher double checked it and told me there were severe thunderstorm warnings in the area. That is just not the camping I am cut out for. I mean, we all avoid rain while tent camping right? When Mark and I did Algonquin (did I spell that right?) in Canada with the youth group, it rained the whole time. We only got out of our rain gear to go to sleep. It was miserable. I do not recommend it. About 2 hours before HH State Park Hatcher informed me that it was only calling for light to medium rain. The area we were driving into was beautiful with the rolling hills and green countryside. Hatcher even recognized an old renovated farmhouse he saw on tiktok. It has a door in the silo and large sliding barn doors that open up to all glass looking into the house. Pretty cool. When he got there it was misting but not too bad to get camp set up. He planned on sleeping in a hammock with this tarp tented over him. My tent when up in 60 seconds and I was tired and grouchy but I helped him hold up this tarp while he tied it around a tree. I kept telling myself “bonding time bonding time”. He did sleep in that hammock and only got somewhat wet. We did not have dinner either. I woke up to rain…in my tent (I opened the fly to see, I didn’t like not being able to see what might be coming at me) and what was to be a very wet morning. Its better to hike in the rain than sit in it so we suited up only to find that my pants had a huge seam hole in the leg. We took our sopping wet dog and we set out to hike but for some reason we kept getting confused and turned around and reading the paper map in the rain was challenging. We did see some of the major sites before finally realizing the actual route. First of all…it totally represented how I was feeling lately. Not sure where I was going. Not sure which way was right..confused at my direction…not sure which way I should go. Just all turned around. And secondly…doesn’t it represent our life a bit!?? We go around in circles, getting on the wrong paths (in life) before finally finding the right one and the we can get going in the right direction! I know I spent some time on the wrong paths…and I saw some “fun attractions” but life was pretty confusing until I found Christ and could clearly see which way to go.

The weather did clear up and we did dry up. Our dog was quite the site. We did another shorter hike around a lake near us and we had bacon and eggs for lunch and dinner. The second night was much drier and the ride home was much more relaxed. I’d like to go back. That state park has a really nice huge pool, access to many trails…its up in the hills (beautiful) and its pretty clean. I’m not a fan of state park camping but I’d go back. When it’s not raining.

Mark came up on my facebook stories today. It’s nice to see him laughing and talking and healthy. It makes me sad too. (like I’m in a weird dream and he’ll come bopping through the door one day and set his suitcase down and be happy to be home from a trip) Sunday I had just hosted guests at our house…I think I was feeling overwhelmed but didn’t know it at the time and when it came time to sing at church I was just a mess. You never know when the sadness will hit you. Music is a big trigger for me. I went to a concert with Aly last week and some of the music made me really happy but some of it made me really sad. Music really can evoke alot of emotion. This up coming trip (as I’ve said before) is bitter sweet. I’ve done with twice with Mark. It was only last year we all went together. I look forward to the challenge of the hike and the down time. I invite the hard emotions..I really do. I also invite the great memories. I don’t know how to talk to may kids about it….so I just talk about Mark all the times. Your dad this, your dad that. My brain is having a hard time wrapping itself around this. Just one year ago we were playing around the pool, competative games…and hiking and he was playing basketball. I keep wanting to tell him things but he isn’t here to tell. How did I become a widow at age 46…or at all? I had to mark a box at the doctors….single, married or widowed. Is it warped to just put a check in married?

I do agree anytime someone comes to know the Lord and truly turns their life around…like you can see that “newness” in them…its a miracle. Because you can’t explain it. I’m hoping the reason in Mark’s death…is the new life it might encourage people to embark on. To lead them to their miracle.